#52: Come With A Plan

I wanted to publish this post earlier this week, but as I began drafting it, I realized that I was about to give advice that I hadn’t taken myself.

Truths often come in pairs, and in some ways this post is a counterpoint to the previous one. We spoke last time of doing the next right thing–focusing on the daily right actions that eventually become our habits and lifestyles. Now we’ll talk about giving those actions a framework and a direction.

The problem, though, is that sometimes I stink at planning. As I started writing this post, I realized that even with this blog, the lack of a plan is evident (once upon a time, we posted 3x per week. At this point, our previous post was 27 days ago). I tend to have lofty goals, and for the most part my plan to attain those goals looks like this:

1. Come up with Lofty Goal–for example starting a blog, which will eventually turn into a book, which will then turn into a ministry empire.
2. Think of a cool theme for the blog–for example, the quirks of living life after returning from the mission field.
3. Make note-to-self to write a groundbreaking blog post on Monday.
4. Get distracted by Facebook. Write the post on Tuesday instead.
5. Tuesday didn’t work. Maybe next weekend?
6. Forget about it until my wife reminds me that I once had a Lofty Goal. Think for a bit about what a great idea it was. Return to Facebook.

I’m sure none of you can relate. I expect that the majority of you never suffer from procrastination or a lack of direction. But just in case one or two of you are like me (yeah, I see that hand in the back row!), here’s my little piece of encouragement: come with a plan.

I’ve mentioned here before that I hope to eventually run a home recording studio. Since returning from the mission field, that’s been one of my major goals. The greatest single step toward that goal was an apprenticeship I did in 2012 at a pro studio in Hollywood. The program that introduced me to my mentor involved unstructured time observing recording sessions with clients, but it also had a curriculum, lessons, and tests. There was structure. There was a plan.

Honestly, after the program was over, I was far less structured than I probably should have been. Yes, life happened–our son and then our daughter were born, we moved to a new state, and there were several day jobs in-between. Still, even in the midst of all that, I honestly think that a more concrete plan would have helped me move closer to the goal than I currently am.

Recently I took part in an online challenge to write, record, and release a song in one month. The thing that struck me about this challenge was that each week had several small, attainable goals. Even as I took the challenge on, I didn’t think I’d really finish. But as I pushed myself to meet the smaller goals (i.e. the next right thing within this framework), I started to see the project coming together. At the end of the month, to my surprise, I had done it. I had actually finished a task.

Staring at a blank page, or an empty resumé, or a zero-balance bank account, or the rest of your life, is always daunting, especially to someone like me who’s not a “finisher.” And, of all the potholes in the re-entry process, this issue has derailed more people than almost any other. One of the most common things I hear from missionaries when they return is “I have no idea what to do with myself.” Trust me, I know how that feels.

Proverbs 29:18 begins by saying, “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained.” The King James Version even says they perish. There has to be a vision to point our Next Right Things in a meaningful direction. Creating a plan is a practical way of translating those steps into a fulfilled vision. Sharing your plan can also help to bring accountability into the picture; you’ve stated that you intend to do something, and you want people to hold you to it.

There are about a quadrillion books on the subject of planning, most of them are business-oriented, and most of them are about as exciting as watching paint dry. The better ones all talk about setting measurable, attainable, and time-based goals. One of the things I learned in my recent song challenge was that putting a timer on myself actually helped me to get things done.

One lesson I’ve learned in my six years in Re-entry is that God can work just as effectively–arguably even more so–through many small moments as He can through a few big ones. We have these mountaintop experiences, and they give us a glimpse of the big picture, but most of the real work of the Kingdom is done through living our everyday lives in a way that’s pleasing to Him. The significance of the big moments is that they give us something to work toward in the small ones. Mountaintops help to establish our vision; they show us where we need to go. Creating a plan, and keeping it submitted to the Lord, can help us blaze the trail to actually get there.

#51: The Next Right Thing

My friend Casey is really good with one-liners. Not the overly clever or boisterous or dirty kind of one-liners, but rather the ones that stick with you and make you think a bit. One of his lines goes something like, “You don’t always have to save the world right away. You just have to do the next right thing.”

Okay, Casey tells me that this line actually came from another ministry, but I heard it from him, so this time he gets the credit.

I often feel like doing anything less than spectacular is worthless. This is simply untrue. In my years of re-entry, I’ve learned that my life isn’t changed by big moments as much as it is by small ones. With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that in the last few years, I’ve amassed a decent collection of Next Right Things.

Of course, the big “aha” moments are important as well. They serve to remind us of the purpose behind the right decisions we make every day, and sometimes they can even clue us in as to what the Next Right Thing could be. But they don’t define us. Those little things that we do every day, our habits which lead to lifestyles–Those things end up shaping our destinies.

#50: Big Z, Small Beginnings

The first Christmas party I ever hosted was disastrous. I took half the day off work to get things ready for the soiree. I figured that would give me enough time to shop, clean, bake, decorate, and get myself ready before the first guests arrived precisely at 6 o’clock. Reality, however, was quite different.

I ended up having to go to several grocery stores, multiple items I planned on baking never made it into the oven, the fondue didn’t cook properly, and I didn’t get out of the shower until after our first guests arrived. Not to mention I had planned for about 25 people (most of whom had RSVP-ed), only 5 showed up, and one of them because Ben called and said there was chocolate covered bacon.

I was a rejected mess: the party I had put so much time, effort, and money into had failed.

But, sure enough, the next fall I began my preparations for another Christmas party. I decided to scale it down, de-fancify, and lower my expectations. Guess what? Five people came. And there wasn’t even chocolate covered bacon.

You would think that after two seemingly failed attempts to host a party I would throw in the towel, but I did no such thing. For our third party, I revamped my outlook, decided to have an open house, and continued to plan even though the fear of rejection once again was very, very close at hand. I sent out numerous invitations, hoping to at least double my previous years guests and had about 45 people show up over a span of 5 hours in our 800 sq foot apartment.

Had I given up after my botched first attempt at hosting, I never would have realized that I was capable of much more than my experience had told me.

Zerubbabel  was more than just a cool name.  He led the first group of Jews back to Israel from their Babylonian captivity and under his rule, the second temple was built. He is mentioned in multiple books in the Bible and is even part of Jesus’ lineage! He was kind of a big deal.

Zechariah 4:6-10 (NLT) speaks about this rock star:

“Then he said to me, “This is what the Lord says to Zerubbabel: It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. Nothing, not even a mighty mountain, will stand in Zerubbabel’s way; it will become a level plain before him! And when Zerubbabel sets the final stone of the Temple in place, the people will shout: ‘May God bless it! May God bless it!’”

Then another message came to me from the Lord: “Zerubbabel is the one who laid the foundation of this Temple, and he will complete it. Then you will know that the Lord of Heaven’s Armies has sent me. Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.”

The Lord said that nothing would be able to stand in Zerubbabel’s way; what a great promise!  But, it is important to remember that, like his kinsman, Big Z started out as a no name captive. Just like the temple had to start out with just one stone, Z started out with a small beginning of his own, and yet is advised to not disregard those humble beginnings.

As a young,fresh off the field twenty-four year old, the world was at my fingertips. I was recently engaged to the man of my dreams, on a spiritual high from my time in missions, and ready to receive everything that God had placed in my heart for my life. I fully intended on all that to happen right away. I had expected that by the time I was 30 (which will happen this April), I would own my own successful coffee shop, have a book or two published , and have a house constantly filled with guests.

Six years down the line, my life has looked very, very different…

For  several years I dreamed with God about someday opening a ministry-focused coffee shop. This passion converged all of my strengths, talents, dreams, and seemed to be a seamless fit for my life and God’s Kingdom. While the passion still exists, the dream, however,  has shifted along with my priorities. It has morphed into a more supportive role within Ben’s ministry, still eventually involving coffee, and the leading role as our family’s homemaker and caretaker.

My world is now very small, my ministry focused on my family, and hopes have become more grounded in God’s word (i.e. realistic). Even though there are some days when I wish all my grandiose dreams had come to pass, I am now content with the way my life has turned out and the path I seem to be on. In fact, I wouldn’t change it at all.

I am not saying that all the big plans I had for myself as a 20-something year old won’t happen, in fact I would still welcome them with open arms, but I know that God has a plan for me and my seemingly small present. I have learned to not despise these little moments that have turned into years of “insignificance”, but accept that even in my obscurity, I am right where I need to be.

Sometimes we get so focused on what’s ahead that we fail to see how God is at work right where we are. I have an amazing husband and marriage. My kids are healthy, well behaved, and adorable. I have a fantastic family, friends, and yes, even in-laws. I am in a position to serve others in a capacity I have never been in before. My relationship with God and understanding of His creation is consistently growing, strengthening, and being challenged.

I may have small beginnings, but they are good ones. Just like my paltry first Christmas party, God is still reminding me to not give up, to keep trying, and eventually I’ll have a house full of guests.

Maybe, just maybe, He wants to remind you of that too.

 

#46: A Lesson in Grace from an Inquisitive Monkey

Today was a Monday.

From two year old tantrums, to six week old  incessant cries, poop in the bathtub, drawing on the desk, forgetting things,4 hours of interrupted sleep, banged heads(mine), and dealing with insurance, today was most definitely a Monday.

So tonight we had takeout with money we don’t we have. Sorry Dave Ramsey, and my thighs, but today was a Monday.

Our son loves watching Curious George. He asks to “Watch George” near daily. Lately, whenever his beloved primate show turns to the credits he starts to cry. Today, however, he didn’t just cry; he screamed and threw one of the biggest tantrums I have seen in a while.

We’ve been trying to teach Levi that his actions have consequences, so after he calmed down, I had a little talk with him. I told him that he wasn’t going to be able to watch George for a few days because of his behavior. I asked him if he understood why and his response caught me off guard.

#45: Speaking the Truth Without Being a Jerk

Confession time: sometimes, on extremely rare occasions, I can tend to be a little opinionated and snarky. Again, only on extremely rare occasions.

That last sentence was one of them. The truth is, I’ve almost always got an opinion, and I’m rarely afraid to make it known. Sometimes I make it known with less tact than I should. Most of the time, I try to do the mature thing and respect the opinions and feelings of others before I tear into them and tell them why I think they’re wrong. But to be honest, every once in a while I get fed up and go into full Facebook-argument mode. Watch out, stranger in the comments section–I’m coming for you!

Yet, through the years I’ve learned that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Brash talk and disrespectful attitudes have landed me in trouble more than once, and have taught me a valuable lesson. You might win an argument while being a jerk, but you’ll never win a person that way.

#40: Making God Known In the Real World

My Dad is pretty much my hero.

I know that, as a good Christian man, this is something I’m supposed to say, but even beyond the usual “Wild at Heart” kind of father/son connection, I can honestly say that my Dad is an incredible person, and a great role model.

When I first went into missions, he wrote me a letter–3 pages, by hand, back-to-back–which encouraged me to keep God at the center of my life, and that no matter where I was, as long as I was living for God, I was a missionary.  I still have that letter, although I admit that I’d have to do some digging for it.  And through the years, whenever I’ve needed sound advice from someone who I know understands my situation well, I’ve known that I could always rely on my Dad.

Both my Mom and Dad have worked extensively in missions, and have also practiced in-depth pastoral care for missionary alumni.  If you’ve ever been encouraged by anything we’ve written on this blog, you can thank my parents for it.

Recently, Joelle, Levi and I went to California to visit my family.  My brother and his wife paid our way and planned a few activities for us.  The second night after we arrived, my Dad, brothers and I went to a baseball game–the LA Dodgers vs the Diamondbacks (side note, our seats were so good, I think I’m forever ruined for Major League Baseball).

On the way to the game, with my brother weaving through LA traffic, we all got to talking about work and life.  My Dad had left a pastoral position at a church about a year before, and was back at a 9-to-5 with the school district.  I asked him how he was handling the transition from a traditional ministry to a “regular” job.

He thought about it for a while, and then he told us that he was coming to the realization that he’s still in ministry, but it just looks different.  He mentioned that after a few months of working there, he got the chance to encourage a coworker, and give a bit of a Biblical perspective to this person’s situation.

“The opportunities to minister aren’t as obvious, because it’s not what’s expected of me in my job.  I’m not a pastor here.  But everyone still knows who I am, and I’m kind of getting a reputation there as a Christian.  So if I keep my eyes open, I can see that the opportunities are there; I just have to be more alert and take advantage of them when they come up.”

I admit, this is one facet of re-entry that I haven’t always excelled at.  I tend to act like a chameleon at work.  I’m not saying that I shy away from my beliefs or my principles at work, but I tend to keep my head low when matters of faith come up in the workplace.  Given that work is by far my biggest point of connection with non-Christians, I think this is something that I need to work on.

When we’re in full-time conventional ministry, it can be a lot easier to make God known.  If it’s literally our job, then it’s like we have an added layer of mental accountability.  We know that if we’re not ministering to people, we’re simply not doing our jobs.  However, it gets a little fuzzier when our day job isn’t in ministry.

I do recall a few times when I have taken advantage of the opportunities that God has presented before me.  Several years ago, when working at a group home, I felt compelled to give one of the teenagers a Bible.  I went and bought a Spanish translation, and wrote out a few verses for him to look at.

I remember giving it to him in the car on the way to his school, and talking about how God sees him.  This macho, smooth operator-type teenager was in tears.  He told me several times in the months following that he read that Bible every night before going to bed.  And I saw a change in his behavior.  He didn’t turn his life around completely, but he had made steps toward God, and it started when I listened to what the Lord told me to do, and for once obeyed.

I know all too well that it can be extremely awkward and uncomfortable to bring up God or matters of faith among our friends, family, or coworkers.  But here is where our history as missionaries plays to our advantage.  All we need to do is mention something, even casually, about our history, and conversational doors can be opened.  St. Francis of Assisi once famously said, “Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary use words.”  Our reputation, our history, and our actions can speak volumes, especially when an opportune word is added.

If we look just a little past the surface, and we ask God to show them to us, we’ll be able to see the opportunities that exist all around us.  Maybe your friend is having relationship issues, or a family member is having difficulty at work.  A wise word can turn them on to God; we just need to recognize the right time to speak and have the courage to do it.

It’s important to note here that making God known isn’t limited to evangelizing to non-believers; you can point those who already know God into a deeper relationship with Him through your words and example.  The point is that, regardless of where those around us happen to be in their walk with the Lord, we ought to be pointing people to Him.

If we ask God for eyes to see, we can continue to live out our passion for leading people into a deeper relationship with Him.  It’s reassuring to know that this is not a thing we have to leave on the field, but it’s a lifestyle we get to keep when we return home.

And, when necessary, we may even use words.

#37: MINE! Dealing with a Sense of Entitlement

Toddlers are notorious for being selfish.

So far, we have managed to escape the “MINE!” phase with our two year old simply by not introducing the word to him yet. However, when something that he does want is taken from him, his eyes turn black as he points and screams for several minutes at the object of his desire, so I wouldn’t necessarily call this a parenting win.

It’s so interesting spending my days with a tiny human who thinks that he deserves certain things that he deems his. But really, when I think about it, I am not that different than my toddler who feels he deserves his every whim.

In previous posts, I’ve written a lot about contentment- it’s been a recurring lesson in my life recently. In attempting to be content in every circumstance, I’ve noticed a common thread of a deeper issue that toys with my ability to be satisfied: entitlement.

I didn’t realize until fairly recently that most of my sense of entitlement was actually linked to my time in missions and ministry. I felt that, since I gave up time, money, and opportunity to be in ministry for a season of my life, I was somehow now entitled to a life that I wanted, or worse, deserved.

It’s what I like to call karma-based grace, and it is absolutely detrimental to one’s faith.

#35: The Things I Don’t Miss

It should come as no surprise to any regular readers that Joelle and I are both huge nerds.

We both really like Doctor Who.  We appreciate the humor, the writing, the zaniness and the pathos of it.  The premise of the show, if you don’t already know, is that it follows a time-traveling alien (who is the last of his kind), and his human companions, on their adventures through time and space.  So far, thirteen different actors have (officially) played the Doctor.  My personal favorite of the ones I’ve seen is David Tennant.

In Tennant’s last episode, he faces the threat of his people being brought back from the dead, at the expense of the rest of the universe.  In order to save everyone, the Doctor actually has to stop his own people from returning.  One line from the episode that sticks with me is when he’s talking about the return of the Time Lords, and his companion asks why that’s a bad thing–The Doctor had described them as being wonderful.

The Doctor’s response?  “That’s how I choose to remember them.”