#37: MINE! Dealing with a Sense of Entitlement

Toddlers are notorious for being selfish.

So far, we have managed to escape the “MINE!” phase with our two year old simply by not introducing the word to him yet. However, when something that he does want is taken from him, his eyes turn black as he points and screams for several minutes at the object of his desire, so I wouldn’t necessarily call this a parenting win.

It’s so interesting spending my days with a tiny human who thinks that he deserves certain things that he deems his. But really, when I think about it, I am not that different than my toddler who feels he deserves his every whim.

In previous posts, I’ve written a lot about contentment- it’s been a recurring lesson in my life recently. In attempting to be content in every circumstance, I’ve noticed a common thread of a deeper issue that toys with my ability to be satisfied: entitlement.

I didn’t realize until fairly recently that most of my sense of entitlement was actually linked to my time in missions and ministry. I felt that, since I gave up time, money, and opportunity to be in ministry for a season of my life, I was somehow now entitled to a life that I wanted, or worse, deserved.

It’s what I like to call karma-based grace, and it is absolutely detrimental to one’s faith.

#32: What to Do With All This Money You Now Have

As we all know, most missionary organizations do not pay well.

Although there’s no guarantee of this, after some time off the field it’s likely that you’ll have more money than you did in full-time missions.  This can be an awkward situation for many.  We still desire to be good stewards, but have little to no experience setwarding a bank account containing more than two or three digits.

Now, mind you, I’m not speaking from much personal experience here.  We still have it pretty tight, thanks largely to my inexplicable attraction to low-paying, high-stress jobs; and to our son and soon-to-come daughter, who are adorable money pits.  Those of you with families will understand.  We still wonder sometimes about whether it’s wise to buy cheese or not.

We’ll have more on that side of things soon.  For now, we’re addressing those fortunate few who find themselves with wads of cash and are looking for responsible ways to manage it.  And what better way to contrast wisdom with foolishness than with a good old fashioned round of Good Idea/Bad Idea?

#30: Celebrating Your Victories (No Matter How Small)

Two weekends ago, our dryer broke.

I found this out when I went to change over my newly-clean load with another that had been sitting in the dryer for a few days (yes, I’m one of those people, don’t judge me). When I opened the dryer door, I was immediately greeted with the unwelcome scent of a bundle of wet clothes that had been sitting in a small, dark place, exchanging damp aromas for quite some time. Ben and I tried a number of different things to get our second-hand dryer to start working again, to no avail. I piled up the unsavory clothing to wash and dry at a later time, and diligently set up a makeshift clothesline in our living area for the newly clean, not yet stinky clothing I had just washed. I know, I know, hashtag firstworldproblems.

Circumstantially, this last year has not been a very easy one. By no means has it been the most difficult time in my life, but it certainly hasn’t been a walk in the park either. Sometimes (okay admittedly MOST of the time), I let the little things in life that go wrong get me down. Every time I’ve looked at our growing pile of laundry, or again tried and failed to turn our dryer on, I get a little irked. I’ve allowed something insignificant, a minor inconvenience in my life, impact how I choose to interact with the rest of my day.

I am consistently surprised by how I let circumstances like this affect my life. I fail to acknowledge all the good things that happen to me, and get overwhelmed by the bad. How lame is that?!

#19: Your Awesome, Awkward Family

In my humble opinion, my family is the greatest family on the planet.  And yes, that includes yours.

Case in point:  my brother decided to surprise me for my birthday this year with plane tickets.  Joelle and I, along with our son, are currently visiting my side of the family in California.  This trip comes just on the heels of a week spent with Joelle’s side of the family, so we’ve both been able to reconnect with our parents and siblings, and it’s been fantastic.

For many of us, reconnecting with our families is one of the chief reasons for returning to our home countries in the first place.  We spent years on the mission field, creating a home for ourselves; but we also wanted to ensure that we stayed close to our own families, remaining an active part of their lives.  When it came time to make a decision about returning from the field, our families likely played a major part in that decision.

Reunions are always wonderful at first.  You’ve missed each other, and there’s a lot to catch up on.  But after the dust settles, and jetlag starts to go away, you may find that some things come up that you didn’t expect.

#13: Comparison, and the Path We’ve Chosen

I remember well the excitement I felt when I first dashed off to be a missionary.  I had found my calling, and I ran toward it with no Plan B.  All of the events of the prior year had pointed me in that direction, and I was glad to follow where I knew God was leading me.  I knew that I would be leaving home and family, and that there would be a lot of things and people I would miss.  But I considered building the Kingdom to be worth all of those costs.

I still do.  I can honestly say that I have no regrets about choosing the path that I did.  But, to be candid, there were costs that I didn’t count.  And they have impacted my life in ways that can be difficult to grapple with now.

#9: How to Deal With a Crappy Job

Before last Friday, I had never been laid off before.  Guess I can’t say that anymore.

I don’t say that to generate sympathy, but to bring up a topic that’s on the minds of a lot of repatriating missionaries:  the fact that our day jobs so often pale in comparison to what we’ve already done.

When we were overseas, most of us were driven by passion.  We had a passion for what we were doing and for the lost.  Many of us were not paid to work, and those of us who were probably weren’t paid much.  While there were a lot of mundane tasks to be done, it wasn’t difficult to attach importance to the boring stuff.  Even if you spent most of the time building Excel spreadsheets, on some level you knew that it had an effect on Kingdom-building endeavors.  And if you got bored, it usually wasn’t hard to find something more exciting to attach yourself to (“Hey, anybody want to go to India next month?”).

Now we’ve landed, and the jobs we find ourselves in may be more about paying the bills than saving the lost.  Hardly the labor of love that we’ve grown accustomed to.  And don’t even get me started on coworkers.