#43: The Purpose of Life May Just Be a Kitchen Table.

Last Friday our baby girl, Adelaide Naomi Behrens, was born.  Yay!

She came into the world sunny side up, almost smiling at the midwife.  She was so eager to arrive, she even beat the anesthesiologist.  Yes, before you ask, Joelle is doing well (although she tells me that back labor is about as fun as getting hit by a truck).

Here’s a picture, because hey–what kind of a dad would I be if I didn’t share pictures of my kids?

Our daughter is beautiful, and through her, God has enriched our family.

I wanted to take this opportunity to once again touch on the subject of families.  I believe that families are paramount in God’s intentions for humankind–from Eden to the mission of redemption in the world today.

One could even make the case that the end goal of most of the Old Testament Law is a peaceful meal:  a loving, engaging conversation around a dinner table.  Entire social systems were set up to ensure that the poor didn’t go hungry or homeless; that foreigners and aliens were effectively assimilated into the fold; that boundaries were set up to ensure justice and peace among neighbors and families.  God even commanded that all debts be removed every fifty years to ensure that generational poverty would not exist, and that the disadvantaged would be able to return to their generational homes to work the land and raise their children.

Have a look at how God commanded the Israelites to celebrate all of their national holidays, especially the Passover–with everyone gathered around the table, eating together.  Again, at least to me, it seems that much of the law was put in place to ensure an intimate meal at the dinner table.

I’ve written before that families can be funny, tricky things.  They’re full of people, after all, and sometimes the people in yours may be quite disagreeable.  Your family may support you completely, or they may question your every decision.  They may love you, or they may not.  Even if the love is there, it can be difficult to find enough common ground to have a conversation with your family.  But the illustrations of the Passover, the Year of Jubilee, and even the Lord’s Supper, are there in part to show you that God cares deeply about the way we value family.

I’ve recently been reading a book by Jeff Goins, called The Art of Work.  The book is all about finding our calling and following it.  In one of the last sections, he quotes a friend, who says that even though he has all of these grandiose ideas for changing the world, ultimately his calling may be to raise his kids well.  The fantastic thing about this is that those two things–changing the world and working on good family relationships–are not mutually exclusive.  Indeed, they can even be quite complimentary.  This is true even if you don’t have kids, or don’t ever intend on having them.

Joelle and I have a missionary friend who recently spent the better part of a year re-building relationship with her family after twelve years abroad.  At first she didn’t really know where to start, and for some time they even pursued counseling together.  I want to emphasize that this is a perfectly legitimate thing to do.  Sometimes we may need to put aside our work in order to make sure that our relationships are right; and there is no relationship more fundamental than family.

I do understand that dysfunction exists.  In my extended family we have ministers, police, and a Team USA Paralympic athlete; we also have members who struggle with addiction and homelessness, have had trouble with the law, and live with a lot of regrets.  Some have been on both ends of the spectrum and have a deep understanding of grace.  Some others are still writing that part of their story.  We’re broken people, and reconciliation may be easier said than done.  But as citizens of the Kingdom, we’re left without the option of giving up on it.

Think of the impact it has on the world when entire families take up the call together.  Jesus included at least two sets of brothers in His group of disciples.  Priscilla and Aquila worked together, presumably with any children they may have had.  Paul specifically praises not only Timothy’s faith, but that of his mother and grandmother as well.

Strong, healthy families make strong, healthy societies.  It’s interesting how the loss of a consistent moral code in the West has paralleled the devaluation of the family.  But if we as believers, and particularly as missionaries, work to restore the family–to turn the hearts of the fathers back to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers–then we can begin to see the restoration of God’s greater purposes for our societies as well.

And that purpose may just be an engaging conversation around the kitchen table.

#40: Making God Known In the Real World

My Dad is pretty much my hero.

I know that, as a good Christian man, this is something I’m supposed to say, but even beyond the usual “Wild at Heart” kind of father/son connection, I can honestly say that my Dad is an incredible person, and a great role model.

When I first went into missions, he wrote me a letter–3 pages, by hand, back-to-back–which encouraged me to keep God at the center of my life, and that no matter where I was, as long as I was living for God, I was a missionary.  I still have that letter, although I admit that I’d have to do some digging for it.  And through the years, whenever I’ve needed sound advice from someone who I know understands my situation well, I’ve known that I could always rely on my Dad.

Both my Mom and Dad have worked extensively in missions, and have also practiced in-depth pastoral care for missionary alumni.  If you’ve ever been encouraged by anything we’ve written on this blog, you can thank my parents for it.

Recently, Joelle, Levi and I went to California to visit my family.  My brother and his wife paid our way and planned a few activities for us.  The second night after we arrived, my Dad, brothers and I went to a baseball game–the LA Dodgers vs the Diamondbacks (side note, our seats were so good, I think I’m forever ruined for Major League Baseball).

On the way to the game, with my brother weaving through LA traffic, we all got to talking about work and life.  My Dad had left a pastoral position at a church about a year before, and was back at a 9-to-5 with the school district.  I asked him how he was handling the transition from a traditional ministry to a “regular” job.

He thought about it for a while, and then he told us that he was coming to the realization that he’s still in ministry, but it just looks different.  He mentioned that after a few months of working there, he got the chance to encourage a coworker, and give a bit of a Biblical perspective to this person’s situation.

“The opportunities to minister aren’t as obvious, because it’s not what’s expected of me in my job.  I’m not a pastor here.  But everyone still knows who I am, and I’m kind of getting a reputation there as a Christian.  So if I keep my eyes open, I can see that the opportunities are there; I just have to be more alert and take advantage of them when they come up.”

I admit, this is one facet of re-entry that I haven’t always excelled at.  I tend to act like a chameleon at work.  I’m not saying that I shy away from my beliefs or my principles at work, but I tend to keep my head low when matters of faith come up in the workplace.  Given that work is by far my biggest point of connection with non-Christians, I think this is something that I need to work on.

When we’re in full-time conventional ministry, it can be a lot easier to make God known.  If it’s literally our job, then it’s like we have an added layer of mental accountability.  We know that if we’re not ministering to people, we’re simply not doing our jobs.  However, it gets a little fuzzier when our day job isn’t in ministry.

I do recall a few times when I have taken advantage of the opportunities that God has presented before me.  Several years ago, when working at a group home, I felt compelled to give one of the teenagers a Bible.  I went and bought a Spanish translation, and wrote out a few verses for him to look at.

I remember giving it to him in the car on the way to his school, and talking about how God sees him.  This macho, smooth operator-type teenager was in tears.  He told me several times in the months following that he read that Bible every night before going to bed.  And I saw a change in his behavior.  He didn’t turn his life around completely, but he had made steps toward God, and it started when I listened to what the Lord told me to do, and for once obeyed.

I know all too well that it can be extremely awkward and uncomfortable to bring up God or matters of faith among our friends, family, or coworkers.  But here is where our history as missionaries plays to our advantage.  All we need to do is mention something, even casually, about our history, and conversational doors can be opened.  St. Francis of Assisi once famously said, “Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary use words.”  Our reputation, our history, and our actions can speak volumes, especially when an opportune word is added.

If we look just a little past the surface, and we ask God to show them to us, we’ll be able to see the opportunities that exist all around us.  Maybe your friend is having relationship issues, or a family member is having difficulty at work.  A wise word can turn them on to God; we just need to recognize the right time to speak and have the courage to do it.

It’s important to note here that making God known isn’t limited to evangelizing to non-believers; you can point those who already know God into a deeper relationship with Him through your words and example.  The point is that, regardless of where those around us happen to be in their walk with the Lord, we ought to be pointing people to Him.

If we ask God for eyes to see, we can continue to live out our passion for leading people into a deeper relationship with Him.  It’s reassuring to know that this is not a thing we have to leave on the field, but it’s a lifestyle we get to keep when we return home.

And, when necessary, we may even use words.

#19: Your Awesome, Awkward Family

In my humble opinion, my family is the greatest family on the planet.  And yes, that includes yours.

Case in point:  my brother decided to surprise me for my birthday this year with plane tickets.  Joelle and I, along with our son, are currently visiting my side of the family in California.  This trip comes just on the heels of a week spent with Joelle’s side of the family, so we’ve both been able to reconnect with our parents and siblings, and it’s been fantastic.

For many of us, reconnecting with our families is one of the chief reasons for returning to our home countries in the first place.  We spent years on the mission field, creating a home for ourselves; but we also wanted to ensure that we stayed close to our own families, remaining an active part of their lives.  When it came time to make a decision about returning from the field, our families likely played a major part in that decision.

Reunions are always wonderful at first.  You’ve missed each other, and there’s a lot to catch up on.  But after the dust settles, and jetlag starts to go away, you may find that some things come up that you didn’t expect.