#14: Ten Ways to Spot Other Missionaries

I have a confession to make–I have a sixth sense.  No, I don’t see dead people, or feel the weather in my bones.  But I can spot another missionary from exactly 1.6 kilometers away.

Last week we wrote about getting super excited when meeting other missionaries. But what do you do if you have that “itch” of really wanting to connect with someone on a missional level, but can’t seem to find anyone around who meets that criteria? Well, my friend, it’s time to pack a light bag and head down to your local airport, as we present to you Ten Ways to Spot Other Current/Former missionaries.

1. Delays in travel don’t bother them.

When the lady at the gate gets on the loudspeaker and announces yet another two hour delay, the common traveler will throw a tantrum worthy of a spoiled two-year-old in the presence of everyone else at the gate. In the midst of the groans, tears, and hurriedly updated facebook statuses about missing the Bachelor, look around you. Do you see someone else who seems unfazed by the news of another few hours? You’ve just found a new best friend! You can even tell your story of being stuck in the Singapore airport for 36 hours (or, as Ben likes to call it, Heaven on Earth).

2. They know how to navigate public transportation, even if the signs are not in their native tongue.

Any former missionary certainly knows their way around airports and public transportation. These hubs of transit are like a little slice of home away from home. If you find yourself embarrassingly lost, just follow their lead and you should be at your destination in no time. And cabs?  Cabs are for sissies.  Real travelers take the tuktuk.

3. They do not have their nose in a guide book, behind a camera, or looking at their phone.

No, the seasoned traveler is taking in the entire experience of being in a different location. You never know what you might miss if you aren’t paying attention. If you find someone thoroughly enjoying every aspect of where they are, you just might have found a former missionary.

The one caveat to this is if they’re using a very nice, professional SLR camera.  For some reason, broke missionaries seem to have a reserve budget for these photographic beasts.  Extra point if they’re still using film.

4. They actually speak to the locals.

The novice traveler’s voice will get louder, assuming that the other person can’t hear them.  This person may even have the gall to ask a local how it feels to be “foreign.”

A missionary, however, don’t look irritated when their question is met with a quizzical look. They will slow down their speech and often throw in a few of the native words they’ve picked up from friends. They will take the time to find out the information they need, thank their new indigenous friend, exchange email addresses, and invite them out for coffee.

5. While traveling, they will have minimal packing, but always carry a signature comfort item.

While a guitar is almost always a dead giveaway, you can also usually spot a kindred spirit toting some special peripheral item.  It could be an old ratty teddy bear, a hat that looks like it was knit by someone’s grandmother, a huge pillow, or of course a worn-out Bible.

6. They know how to sleep in transit.

Usually with the aforementioned comfort item tucked securely in their arms, and their feet up on their bags for “safety.”  They may even have asked you to look after their stuff while they caught a few Zs, despite the fact that they have no idea who you are.

7. They don’t seem stressed to travel by themselves.

They’ve done this plenty of times before.  They’re not lonely; they’re excited to finally have some time to process whatever ministry-oriented project they currently have going on. And if you approach them, they will probably see it as an opportunity to meet new friends and swap crazy travel stories.

8. They eat local fare.

If you come across someone else meandering down the main ‘strip’ of touristy places with an unusual-looking piece of meat wrapped in a newspaper, you’ve probably found a fellow missionary.  They eschew McDonald’s in favor of something more adventurous; after all, when will they get the opportunity to eat pigeon drumsticks or fried scorpions again?

9. They know how to barter with street vendors.

A veteran of markets world-wide, the former missionary knows that the first price given, especially in the tourist areas, is a far cry from what they will actually end up paying. They will however proceed with caution, and courtesy to get the best deal possible.  A word of caution, though: prepare to wait a while for this to happen; a sly missionary with a free day on her hands may take several hours to settle on a price for that sweet punjabi.

10. They start humming along with you to your favorite Chilean worship song.

You’re walking down the street, quietly singing this song to yourself. Suddenly a stranger comes along and offers up a harmony!  You laugh.  You may cry.  You may even lay hands on one another in prayer. After talking for a while, you will likely discover that you even know some of the same people–or stranger still, that your new friend actually wrote the song.

If after all of this, you are still unable to pick out a new friend, just drive to your nearest international airport and hang out. Put this list into practice and presto!  You should find another missionary bestie in no time.